No take backs

No take backs

I drew the trigger of my tongue , not imagining how the bullet would penetrate your skin.

How it would cling to every piece of your being, leaving no sign of an exit wound.

Peripherally I see the pain oozing from your chest, I succumb.

If I dare look, it makes it all real.

I turn this now empty carcass of the person I was,to face you.

Chest tightens, breathing laborious , drowning in a pool of my own guilt,

I see your eyes lose the stars they once carried.

This silence is deafening, though I can hear my heart beat play prestissimo.

I try and reach for the bullet, I stretch out my hand

To see that my hands are dripping in the hurt and pain left by words spoken .

The bullet must have fragmented into shrapnel, dispersing into multiple avenues

I freeze, my body turns to stone.

My body weighed down by the burden of shooting you.

I try to apply as much pressure as I can , stop the hurt from expanding,

Yet I find my efforts redundant, your silence pushes me back to reality.

I find my word stumbling , tripping over themselves, unable to walk in a straight line,

They’re unable to say the alphabet backwards, failing the breathalyser.

Sometimes my words don’t understand the hurt they can cause,

They’re reckless, leaping off of cliffs before thinking about what happens when they hit the ground.

This time their recklessness got them into trouble , this time there were no take backs.

My Chapter

Your hands felt like sandpaper against my skin,

A painful reminder that they don’t belong there.

I felt my body shudder as you ran your hand up my thigh,

My own body repelling your touch.

Your eyes met mine,

All I can see is the thirst of wanting more,

I could feel my own body become a corset .

The way my body tensed up, and how it took the breath from my lungs,

I trusted you.

The one who promised to not to break me,

Is the reason why I need super glue.

But we were in a relationship right ?

It’s my duty, or if I loved you I would,

But my vagina is not your walk in closet.

You wanted a place to store your disconcerted thoughts,

And I was the closest thing to hand.

But no should still mean no.

Your words dug a shallow grave in my chest,

Eroded by lies and promises broken.

My mind works anticlockwise ,

It likes to reminisce on the what could have beens.

The tears you once made me shed,

Now being wiped away by another, however ,

You’ve made me a human blockade,

I feel myself pushing away anyone that dares to get close to me.

I’m a shell of the woman I was,

My exterior says otherwise,

But Everyone has a chapter they don’t read out loud.

I will

I will

Place your burdens on my shoulders,

I will help you carry the load.

When it feels like the clocks have arthritis,

I will help you fill the time.

When thoughts are hard to articulate,

I will speak for the both of us.

When your bed holds you captive,

I will be it’s hostage too.

When you’re drained of power, running at 10%,

I will be the 90% you need to boost you back up.

When your legs refuse to move,

I will be your crutch, lean on me.

When everything becomes to much,

I will be you’re resting place.

When the noise becomes to deafening,

Look for me ; I will lead you to your safe haven.

Undress your worries,

I will wear them as my own.

Take off the mask you always wear,

For I see beneath the facade.

When it has hold of your throat leaving you breathless,

I will breathe new life into your lungs.

When you feel alone in a world full of people,

Look to your left for I have never left you.

I may not be able to take it away,

But I won’t let it consume you either.

Alone you suffer,

Together we manage.

By Paige Browning

My body is a journey

My body is a journey

It is not as simple as an a to b trip

It has multiple smooth corners

Tight bends, lumps and bumps along the way

It is an experience,

a once in a lifetime, lottery ticket winning experience

Its not for everyone, not everyone can handle such excitement,

Some people are afraid of the road less travelled

But, you’ll like it

It will make you feel brave

Take courage in the unknown and you won’t be disappointed

Learn to admire every sight you see on your way

You are the lucky one

Not many people get to take this route

This route is at times baracded but society’s oppressive opinions

Baracded by ex lovers hurtful words, self doubt and misguided hands

It is a journey one must take with care, openness, appreciation and respect

This journey has some of the most spectacular views you could imagine

Breathtaking to say the least

I am proud of every road line this body has,

Every dent, every lump, and every time the surface of this body has been eroded by hateful words it has stayed strong

It has maintained its core foundations

Becausd people fear what they don’t know, and people do not know the journeys that this body has had to take to get to its finale destination

But some still deviate from the route

They find themselves falling back into the societies chosen path

A route that has been mapped out over time

And people don’t like it when you try something new

So they go back into what’s safe and comfortable

Because what would people think if they found out you enjoyed this journey more?

Be brave, be bold, do things that excite you

Otherwise you will not make it to your finale destination

And the finale destination is one of the most exciting parts

But only……if only you realise how far you’ve come

If you recognise every curve you’ve traced, ever bumped you’ve gone over, and every exciting stop you’ve seen on the way

You must Fully emerse yourself in this discovery

Allow yourself to bask in the glory of your finale destination, take it for what it is, do not glorify it to what society thinks it should be

You made it, you are the lucky one

Drowning

Drowning

So you wanna know how I feel about you…..

You want to know how when I see you smile I go blind……and then suddenly all is clear

Like how your touch ripples through my skin like the sea at dawn. Without concern and naturally

Like how our hearts are jigsaw pieces ; perfectly intertwined and once connected they became one

Like how you turned my body into a zoo. I roar with laughter, my stomach has become home to a garden full of butterflies, youve given me wings by constantly lifting me into a cloud of euphoria ; a 24 hour zoo ; I find myself never wanting to leave

Like how you make my cardiac muscle pumps blood through my vascular system really quickly

Like how your words have become my own personal muse

Like how your name remains on my tongue like a hamster wheel ; I’m constantly searching for another reason to say your name

Like how if you asked me if I’d thought about you this morning ; id say no, if you asked me if I thought about you tonight, I’d say no. Because you never leave my mind

Like how when i look into your eyes they somehow grab ahold of my throat ; I am rendered speechless

Like how I find myself unstable, I’m constantly tripping over my words, fumbling over my feelings ; falling head first into this

Like how you found a piece of me I forgot was even there; a treasure map to the spot I forget even existed, a spot I dug so deep, I didn’t think could be reached

Like how you make me nervous ; because if I admit it to myself it becomes real. And if it becomes real, then I have a chance of losing it and what if I can’t find my compass?

Like how I am a passenger on this ride and I find myself buckled in tight

Like how you hit me like a tsunami ; suddenly and all at once, bombarded and overwhelmed, ferociously caught in the motion…..gasping for air…. yet once I was swept under…….all was calm

Like how I find myself drowning; I keep falling deeper, and deeper, I’m fighting back the erge to resist, I stop…..body motionless, unwanting to come up for air

New year , new me…..

Yes the title is a little cliche, and yes I am fully aware that I say this every single year; and do I keep up with all my resolutions? Hell no. I am human, I eat too much junk sometimes, I can be lazy in both exercise and not getting things done, and sometimes i’m just not motivated enough. I make the wrong choices, I listen to my head far too often, and I don’t do enough for myself.

I am also fully aware that your probably reading this and thinking “that is me in a nutshell”! We need to start giving ourselves credit for what we have achieved last year, and move one. Setting resolutions just doesn’t work ! We never stick to them ; or we stick to them for a month or two and then throw in the towel because its too hard, your unmotivated, or you simply dont have time. I mean last year I achieved a few of my goals, I passed my driving test and got myself a car, I changed job roles and now i’m a Teaching assistant in a reception class. My fiance and I moved out of my parents and he was promoted to assistant manager of his store. No I didn’t smash all of my goals, but I achieved some on them, and that is an achievement all on its own.

Towards the end of the year I really got to thinking about what I want from my life, and how to achieve them goals. This year there are a few things that I would like to achieve or do etc.

  • Travel more – I want nothing more then to travel the world, amerce myself in different cultures, see the sites and gain new experiences.
  • Get out of debt
  • Lose some weight, and control my diabetes better.
  • Have a job which pays a little more, and that I can be happy in.
  • Decorate my house
  • Have more fun and some me time.

To me looking at this list it really doesn’t seem that unreachable, and I’ve already started work on this list. Last night my fiance and I booked up to go to Germany for a few days next month. It felt amazing, I was doing something spontaneous, I was doing something for me, I was living for the first time in a while.

Now I have got lots of posts coming up, everything from my travel blogs, to my house renovation, fashion tips and tricks, weight loss updates, my beauty favorites and so much more !!

I hope you stay tuned for this amazingly bumpy ride !

Birthday Behavior

Love this blog post ! Check her out my lovelies x

YCS Blog

By Erika, Fashion Expert

This coming Friday (March 3) is my 34th birthday and I am eagerly anticipating its arrival.  I have always loved birthdays, especially my own!

img_1315 T-shirt: Sweet Knowledge Clothing (here) I Skirt: Eloquii (similar here) I Shoes: Dressbarn I Necklace: Aldo

As I reflect back, 33 (and 2016 in general) was a weird year for me.  I celebrated some huge successes and also had some massive disappointments and failures.  However, as with every year, I learned a lot about myself, faced things I never thought I could handle, and the good (mostly) outweighed the bad (though, I’m still looking for the silver lining from election night).

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The thing that I love about being into my 30’s is the fact that I continue to come into my own.  In my 20’s I wasn’t confident in who I was and who God made me.  In…

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