Down in the Dump Days

I know im not the only one to have them days where all you want to do it either lay in bed with Netflix on the laptop not doing anything and eating junk food. Or sitting in front of the TV wrapped up in a blanket watching chick flicks and eating yet again junk food. And it could be for a number of reasons…. 1, your having a bad day, 2, trouble in paradise or 3 your having a ‘fat’ day. For me its all of the above. Recently I have been feeling really down about myself and my appearance, I think I look fat in everything, and my hair is a mess, I cant seem to hide the fact I have a double chin and the list goes on and on…. is feeling good about yourself too much to ask for ? I can be the type of person that thinks that whenever I go out people are judging me , and then I see some beautiful woman all dressed up , every hair in place, make up perfectly in place and an outfit to match, and then I look at myself and then I hit a new low.  I am a big girl and I always have been and that’s not going to change, but its hard to be accepting of yourself when the world isn’t accepting of you. Why does society deem us bigger people as the ‘outcasts’ when over 64% of people in the UK are overweight and or obese. Why should a number control our lives, because it does, if you’re not under a size 12 then your classed as FAT. But being fat doesn’t mean you’re an embarrassment, a failure or a disaster. It doesn’t mean your dirty or lazy or you binge eat all day everyday! But being fat somehow makes us a target and it shouldn’t, it shouldn’t mean that we have to take abuse when we are walking down the street, why should people feel the need to degrade a human being , making their worth less than your own. We big people can be sexy as hell!

My problem areas start with my stomach , the moves to my thighs and back. I sometimes wonder what my boyfriend sees in me, I could stand in front of a mirror and cry sometimes, and I know we all get like this, and its horrible.  I feel like why would a man want to touch my wobbly belly, or my thick thighs, and I don’t have the small slender back like a lot of women. I have stretch marks that cover my stomach and my Afro curly hair is a nightmare to manage. However I also know that some of it is my fault, I haven’t prevented getting to the size I am, and I take responsibility for that, but even thought I am a big lady I need to start loving myself, otherwise im never going to get anywhere in life. I know I talk about this often, but it’s because it’s so close to my heart, because I know what its like to struggle with weight issues, to have people ignore me or look down their noses at me, and to have been bullied throughout my life.

I will love myself

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