Drowning

Drowning

So you wanna know how I feel about you…..

You want to know how when I see you smile I go blind……and then suddenly all is clear

Like how your touch ripples through my skin like the sea at dawn. Without concern and naturally

Like how our hearts are jigsaw pieces ; perfectly intertwined and once connected they became one

Like how you turned my body into a zoo. I roar with laughter, my stomach has become home to a garden full of butterflies, youve given me wings by constantly lifting me into a cloud of euphoria ; a 24 hour zoo ; I find myself never wanting to leave

Like how you make my cardiac muscle pumps blood through my vascular system really quickly

Like how your words have become my own personal muse

Like how your name remains on my tongue like a hamster wheel ; I’m constantly searching for another reason to say your name

Like how if you asked me if I’d thought about you this morning ; id say no, if you asked me if I thought about you tonight, I’d say no. Because you never leave my mind

Like how when i look into your eyes they somehow grab ahold of my throat ; I am rendered speechless

Like how I find myself unstable, I’m constantly tripping over my words, fumbling over my feelings ; falling head first into this

Like how you found a piece of me I forgot was even there; a treasure map to the spot I forget even existed, a spot I dug so deep, I didn’t think could be reached

Like how you make me nervous ; because if I admit it to myself it becomes real. And if it becomes real, then I have a chance of losing it and what if I can’t find my compass?

Like how I am a passenger on this ride and I find myself buckled in tight

Like how you hit me like a tsunami ; suddenly and all at once, bombarded and overwhelmed, ferociously caught in the motion…..gasping for air…. yet once I was swept under…….all was calm

Like how I find myself drowning; I keep falling deeper, and deeper, I’m fighting back the erge to resist, I stop…..body motionless, unwanting to come up for air

New year , new me…..

Yes the title is a little cliche, and yes I am fully aware that I say this every single year; and do I keep up with all my resolutions? Hell no. I am human, I eat too much junk sometimes, I can be lazy in both exercise and not getting things done, and sometimes i’m just not motivated enough. I make the wrong choices, I listen to my head far too often, and I don’t do enough for myself.

I am also fully aware that your probably reading this and thinking “that is me in a nutshell”! We need to start giving ourselves credit for what we have achieved last year, and move one. Setting resolutions just doesn’t work ! We never stick to them ; or we stick to them for a month or two and then throw in the towel because its too hard, your unmotivated, or you simply dont have time. I mean last year I achieved a few of my goals, I passed my driving test and got myself a car, I changed job roles and now i’m a Teaching assistant in a reception class. My fiance and I moved out of my parents and he was promoted to assistant manager of his store. No I didn’t smash all of my goals, but I achieved some on them, and that is an achievement all on its own.

Towards the end of the year I really got to thinking about what I want from my life, and how to achieve them goals. This year there are a few things that I would like to achieve or do etc.

  • Travel more – I want nothing more then to travel the world, amerce myself in different cultures, see the sites and gain new experiences.
  • Get out of debt
  • Lose some weight, and control my diabetes better.
  • Have a job which pays a little more, and that I can be happy in.
  • Decorate my house
  • Have more fun and some me time.

To me looking at this list it really doesn’t seem that unreachable, and I’ve already started work on this list. Last night my fiance and I booked up to go to Germany for a few days next month. It felt amazing, I was doing something spontaneous, I was doing something for me, I was living for the first time in a while.

Now I have got lots of posts coming up, everything from my travel blogs, to my house renovation, fashion tips and tricks, weight loss updates, my beauty favorites and so much more !!

I hope you stay tuned for this amazingly bumpy ride !

Wingham wildlife park

I got an amazing new camera for christmas it is the Sony DSC-H400 and I have been trying my hand at some photogprahy, thought id share some of my favourites !

Plus size dresses – Asos edition

So if you love the freedom of dresses and the comfort and style they bring then, I have the post for you. Here is a collection of my four favourites dresses for Autumn! 

1) jersey basic pinafore dress

It has a stylish cross back straps , and a square neck. Match this with a plain tee , ankle boots and a black or burgundy bomber ! Super cute , grunge look.

£15.00 Asos curve – 

2) mini body con dress – £18.00

Who says you need to be stick thin to rock a body con dress ! Let the world see your gorgeous curves and fabulous shape. Soft touch in a stretch jersey with a slash neckline, it is a cropped cut , so show some leg ladies !! A great dress to dress up or down , fix with a great demon jacks and converse or a stunning pair of heals and a leather jacket for that edgy look. 

3) skater wrap tea dress – £20.00

Wrap dresses are a plus size ladies best friend , they are so flattering and emphasies such a lovely figure! Comes in a beautiful dark green which is perfect for Autumn , and comes with an adjustable belt tie. Perfect for a lunch out with the girls ! 

4) Club L Lounge Hirt sleeve skater dress – £18.00

What a beautiful pink blush colour which complements all skin tones. Soft touch jersey with a round neckline , with a beautiful fit and flare fit. Works perfectly with all body types. Would go with a pair of nude coloured heels , and dress down with a bait of brown ankle boots ! 

Asos curve has so many beautiful dresses on offer , with most of them being at affordable prices ! Go ahead to Asos curve and find your new Autumn dress !! 

Plus size sportswear 

Is it me or is it extremely hard to find cute workout wear above a size 16-18 ? I have been struggling to find something that makes me look good and feel good, and if I’m at the gym for hours and sweating buckets I need to maintain the fierceness!! 

Most of the sportwear I have is from Fabletics.com , however I can only fit into their bottoms as I have a smaller bottom half than the top half. So trousers I wear a 20-22 usually and top half 24-26, and their tops only go up to a size 24 I believe ,and because the clothes are sportwear they are always extra tight! 

But I have been searching the Internet and was diverted to a magical place called Torrid ! Even though I’m from the UK and shipping can be troublesome , it’s still worth it. 

However their Sportswear is incredible ! They have super cute items, yes their prices are somewhat pricey, but they always have deals on and coupons available so you never have to pay full price for anything ! 

1) Torrid Active – Wild tank top – $34.90 

It is a bright vibrant pink , with a nice close fit , not to baggy and not skin tight either. It has plenty of room up top so for all the bigger chested ladies have no fear , they will give your girls room to breathe ! It has a nice breathe able material which is great for summer, even if your just having a casual day at home it’s super comfy and super cute ! 

2) Torrid Active – Success tank top $34.90

If the slogan doesn’t grab you then what will? We know that our success will piss off anyone who picked on us in secondary school or uni or even primary school! Be bold and make a statement ! Like the previous tank top this is a lightweight material making it nice and breathable, and perfect for the hot weather workouts. Great fit and can match with any leggings or capris etc as its a neutral colour so goes with everything ! 


3) Torrid active – floral print mesh cropped leggings – $54.90

Can we just appreciate this print , stunning ! Such a fun and adorable print , would go great with the first pink tank top !! Stretchy fit and comfortable lightweight material , making it easy for movement cool for them hot days. The band comes up high so will keep that muffin top hidden away.  Defo must have for any wardrobe.

4) Torrid active – ikat print sports bra – $38.50

Such a fun and quirky design , loving the black and white design with the hit of bright pink. Great coverage holds everything in really well and has great support. I would recommend using it for light to medium activity or just chilling around the house. Could match with the first or second tank top defiantly and also the capris as the print pop of pink is in both the leggings and bra!! 

The start of the rest of my life

So today I started my weight loss journey ! Something in my head just clicked, I need to do this , it’s not for vanity reasons but for my health. I am a type 2 diabetic and it’s not managed properly yet , I’m classified as obese , and I need to get my health in check! I also have PCOS so I know by losing weight that will help my partner and I have a baby eventually. I’m also going back to university next year to study midwifery and I know I’ll be on my feet a lot and at the moment I can’t to be honest…….

So yesterday I signed up for my local gym ! The first big step , and I’m so glad I managed to do it , I’m really proud of myself 🙂 and today I went for my first Bums , Legs and tums fitness class , and I am dying haha I haven’t exercised in a very long time lets just say that! But I done it and I couldn’t be happier ! And tomorrow I start slimming world with my mum so we can support each other in this journey ! This time I am determined to succeed , I have said this to myself time after time after time, but I’ve already started the process and will continue ! I have to…

I am at my highest weight ever 19st ! I don’t like it however, standing at 5ft 10, which is lucky. But I can’t feel this weight dragging me down and I know I need help and I know I need to change , so with my family’s support and your support I can do this , or if anyone else is trying we can support each other !! 

I will leave be posting update photos etc hopefully showing progress , but for now I’m glad I’m sorting my life out ! 

Art gallery 

So in October I’m holding an art exhibition ! Nervous and extremely excited , it’s based on the theme Africa, including landscapes , portraits , abstract art etc. It will be at the Bay Gallery in Herne Bay, Kent, in the beginning of October , so I’ve got a lot of work to do in a few months ! Wish me luck haha X