No take backs

No take backs

I drew the trigger of my tongue , not imagining how the bullet would penetrate your skin.

How it would cling to every piece of your being, leaving no sign of an exit wound.

Peripherally I see the pain oozing from your chest, I succumb.

If I dare look, it makes it all real.

I turn this now empty carcass of the person I was,to face you.

Chest tightens, breathing laborious , drowning in a pool of my own guilt,

I see your eyes lose the stars they once carried.

This silence is deafening, though I can hear my heart beat play prestissimo.

I try and reach for the bullet, I stretch out my hand

To see that my hands are dripping in the hurt and pain left by words spoken .

The bullet must have fragmented into shrapnel, dispersing into multiple avenues

I freeze, my body turns to stone.

My body weighed down by the burden of shooting you.

I try to apply as much pressure as I can , stop the hurt from expanding,

Yet I find my efforts redundant, your silence pushes me back to reality.

I find my word stumbling , tripping over themselves, unable to walk in a straight line,

They’re unable to say the alphabet backwards, failing the breathalyser.

Sometimes my words don’t understand the hurt they can cause,

They’re reckless, leaping off of cliffs before thinking about what happens when they hit the ground.

This time their recklessness got them into trouble , this time there were no take backs.

Drowning

Drowning

So you wanna know how I feel about you…..

You want to know how when I see you smile I go blind……and then suddenly all is clear

Like how your touch ripples through my skin like the sea at dawn. Without concern and naturally

Like how our hearts are jigsaw pieces ; perfectly intertwined and once connected they became one

Like how you turned my body into a zoo. I roar with laughter, my stomach has become home to a garden full of butterflies, youve given me wings by constantly lifting me into a cloud of euphoria ; a 24 hour zoo ; I find myself never wanting to leave

Like how you make my cardiac muscle pumps blood through my vascular system really quickly

Like how your words have become my own personal muse

Like how your name remains on my tongue like a hamster wheel ; I’m constantly searching for another reason to say your name

Like how if you asked me if I’d thought about you this morning ; id say no, if you asked me if I thought about you tonight, I’d say no. Because you never leave my mind

Like how when i look into your eyes they somehow grab ahold of my throat ; I am rendered speechless

Like how I find myself unstable, I’m constantly tripping over my words, fumbling over my feelings ; falling head first into this

Like how you found a piece of me I forgot was even there; a treasure map to the spot I forget even existed, a spot I dug so deep, I didn’t think could be reached

Like how you make me nervous ; because if I admit it to myself it becomes real. And if it becomes real, then I have a chance of losing it and what if I can’t find my compass?

Like how I am a passenger on this ride and I find myself buckled in tight

Like how you hit me like a tsunami ; suddenly and all at once, bombarded and overwhelmed, ferociously caught in the motion…..gasping for air…. yet once I was swept under…….all was calm

Like how I find myself drowning; I keep falling deeper, and deeper, I’m fighting back the erge to resist, I stop…..body motionless, unwanting to come up for air

We Are Powerful !

Why is it that our self worth is determined by our size ? Why do we feel the need to judge ourselves and point out every individual flaw we may or may not have? Why can’t we see ourselves for the amazing beautiful human beings that we are. I have felt this way for a long time, and recently I havent been feeling self conscious, Ive been going out and not caring what others are thinking of me, and if they are judging me or not. And its at this point in my life I can smile, I can appreciate that I only get one body, and that this body is always going to be plus size, and thats ok. I can still be beautiful and be big, I can hold my head up high and not have to worry about feeling like I need to high every aspect of my being. 

For anyone that tried to hide away or are constantly thinking theyre not good enough, you need to stop! You need to allow yourself to be happy, you need to allow yourself freedom, otherwise you will be trapped forever, and thats a worrying and sad thought, and I know no one wants to feel that way. Any haters are only hating as they cant believe someone of our size can be confident and love ourselves, only because they dont love themselves, and seeing us do it intimidates them. We are so powerful, we are strong and we need to wake up and see this !  We have the power to intimidate people through our self love and confidence, we have the power to make me notice is, we have the power to be whoever we want to be ! Our size has nothing to do with it, its our confidence, its our self love, our respect for people and our ability to see others for more then their appearence. And is that isnt truely magnificent , I dont know what it. 

Now ladies and gentlemen, next time you want to put a part of your body now, “oh my thighs are so fat”, instead of thinking like that, think about what they do for you,or what they allow you to be able to do. Such as ” my legs allow me to dance, which makes me feel great, or my legs allow me to run and play with my children”, making these positive changes about the way  you see your body, will start to have an impact on how you view yourself. Now this may sound crazy, but I need you to start talking to yourself ! I need you to start telling yourself what you love about yourself, yes it may feel awkward for the first few times, but by saying it out loud, your hearing it and understand it, and it can have great benifits! Treat yourself as though you would your mother or you sister or friends. And what I mean by that is why not be as nice to yourself as you are to the people you love? “Think to yourself, ‘would I say this to my best friend, or my sister, or my mother?'” Silverman says. “If you cannot imagine another human being who you love saying this to themselves or someone else talking to them that way, then how are you talking to yourself in that manner?”

I hope this has reached out to somebody, thats all I ever hope ! 

Until next time my beautiful plus size people! 

New Me !!

Wow can’t remember the last time I was on here!  That makes me feel awful,  because I love blogging and posting photos etc.  I will make a promise at least once a week if not more I will blog!

So what’s new I hear you ask?

Well I’m engaged!!  🙂 after 4 years with my man he proposed and on our anniversary,  some may say cheesy I agree hehe but who cares I’m marrying the Love of my life 🙂 ill insert a pic if you wanna see the ring!

image

What else is new… I’m moving!  This past year I’ve been living in London,  and it’s had its ups and downs. But I miss the country and fresh air to go with it,  so Canterbury I’m back 🙂 the New place is gorgeous,  3 bed bungalow with a lovely rose garden and seating area,  a huge living room /diner and massive bath tub.  Every girls dream!  Moving to a new house also means a trip to Ikea!  I love Ikea, buying all the decorative pieces and come on Ikea plants is a must have!  So in November I will be doing a huge haul and will post what ive picked up on here!  If your like me,  I love seeing other people’s hauls it gives me alot of ideas and inspiration 🙂

Next on the list is,  I’m starting my own Cupcake business 🙂 living in a small London flat for a year ive felt so enclosed and unhappy.  And recently I’ve just been in a rut. So I’ve been thinking and thinking about how to cheer myself up,  and so I bake. Baking is a huge love in my life and it makes me feel good. So I’m starting my cupcake company on August,  called Cupcake Kingdom. I will link the website in this post so you can check it out.

Also I’m debating whether to start a YouTube channel. I always love watching plussize fashion or makeup videos and it’s a huge inspiration to see them and how much body confidence they have. I want to be able to inspire people and make them feel good about themselves. So that’s on the back burner.

What else is there to say…..

I’m glad I’m back and will be posting regularly and getting back into the swing of things!  Watch this space.

Stay fierce

http://cupcakequeen06.wix.com/cupcakekingdom

Top 3 Contour Pallets

I love beauty and everything about it ! So today I decided to do my top 3 contour pallets .

1)Kat Von D Shade and Light contour pallet

I am a huge Sephora fan. We don’t have one here in the UK as far as im aware, so online shopping it is ! They have such beautiful products and I recently stumble across this one recently and had to have it. I’m a big fan of Kat Von D cosmetics and this is just another top notch beauty item from the collection ! It is a powder contour pallet, there are three highlight shades and three darker contour shades. It also includes a step-by step tutorial featuring three easy, artistic ways to define your cheekbones, slim your face, and shape your nose, which is also really helpful if your just starting out or are just a beginner at it and need a little helping hand ! I found that it blended really well and the colour variation is wonderful, as I have darker skin, so I need a dark contour shade and this suits my needs perfectly ! It gives an effortlessly flawless yet natural look, and the colours are build-able, if you’re going for a dramatic evening look. The pigments are sheer making blending them into the skin easy.
I recommend!

2)Anastasia Beverly Hills Contour Kit

I have also recently purchased the Anastasia Beverly Hills Contour kit in shade Medium to Tan. I think its wonderful how they offer different tones kits , giving a lovely variety of you of fair skin or tanned skin. It contains 6 beautiful shades , Peaches & Cream, Macchiato, Nutmeg, Havana, Espresso, 3 for highlighting and 3 for contouring. all in a powder form. What I find really interesting is that 6 different shades are removable and refillable, the set contains all the color needed to start expertly emphasizing eyes, cheekbones, nose, and jawline.  Yet again another wonderful kit that blends extremely well and gives the face a glowing warm finish. Being a darker skinned woman I find that the highlight could have been more pigmented as I find you have to apply a fair amount to get any pay off. Apart from that I wouldn’t fault it.

3)CALIFORNIA BRONZE™ Multi Effect

Last but certainly not least we have the bareMinerals California Bronze Multi Effect Bronzing trip pallet. When I first got this in the post I loved it instantly, the packaging is so cute ! Since I have tanned skin I decided to swatch them to see how they would look with my darker skin tone, and they looked really good ! In this trio there are two beautiful contouring shades and one pretty highlighter. The highlighter is such a pretty shade it goes with absolutely anything and it has a golden finish to it, and it suits my skin tone wonderfully. These three shades are so flattering and can be worn day or night, if your going for a soft natural glowing look , or a nice evening look then it will work for both. They can also be combined for multidimensional warmth. The three shades it includes are READY Bronzer in The Ocean View (sheer matte bronze), The High Dive (rich golden bronze) -Luminizer in The Shining Moment (golden champagne).

!Don’t forget to follow me on Social Media !

Origins Original Skin™ Renewal Serum with Willowherb

Ive recently found this amazing skin serum, Origins Original Skin™ Renewal Serum with Willowherb and love it !A renewal serum designed to restore the glow of younger skin. Its perfect if your skin needs a pick me up. I apply it daily, in the morning and evening, before I apply my moisturizer ( you need to use moisturizer with it). I have found that my skin has evened out, and is super soft! Since I began using it a few weeks ago, I have not had any major breakouts and my skin seems to be very balanced – which is what I was hoping for. It also works really well as a face primer!