No take backs

No take backs

I drew the trigger of my tongue , not imagining how the bullet would penetrate your skin.

How it would cling to every piece of your being, leaving no sign of an exit wound.

Peripherally I see the pain oozing from your chest, I succumb.

If I dare look, it makes it all real.

I turn this now empty carcass of the person I was,to face you.

Chest tightens, breathing laborious , drowning in a pool of my own guilt,

I see your eyes lose the stars that once sparkled within them.

This silence is deafening, though I can hear my heart beat play prestissimo.

I try and reach for the bullet, I stretch out my hand

To see that my hands are dripping in the hurt and pain left by words spoken .

The bullet must have fragmented into shrapnel, dispersing into multiple avenues

I freeze, my body turns to stone.

My body weighed down by the burden of shooting you.

I try to apply as much pressure as I can , stop the hurt from expanding,

Yet I find my efforts redundant, your silence pushes me back to reality.

I find my words stumbling , tripping over themselves, unable to walk in a straight line,

They’re unable to say the alphabet backwards, failing the breathalyser.

Sometimes my words don’t understand the hurt they can cause,

They’re reckless, leaping off of cliffs before thinking about what happens when they hit the ground.

This time their recklessness got them into trouble , this time there were no take backs.

Drowning

Drowning

So you wanna know how I feel about you…..

You want to know how when I see you smile I go blind……and then suddenly all is clear

Like how your touch ripples through my skin like the sea at dawn. Without concern and naturally

Like how our hearts are jigsaw pieces ; perfectly intertwined and once connected they became one

Like how you turned my body into a zoo. I roar with laughter, my stomach has become home to a garden full of butterflies, youve given me wings by constantly lifting me into a cloud of euphoria ; a 24 hour zoo ; I find myself never wanting to leave

Like how you make my cardiac muscle pumps blood through my vascular system really quickly

Like how your words have become my own personal muse

Like how your name remains on my tongue like a hamster wheel ; I’m constantly searching for another reason to say your name

Like how if you asked me if I’d thought about you this morning ; id say no, if you asked me if I thought about you tonight, I’d say no. Because you never leave my mind

Like how when i look into your eyes they somehow grab ahold of my throat ; I am rendered speechless

Like how I find myself unstable, I’m constantly tripping over my words, fumbling over my feelings ; falling head first into this

Like how you found a piece of me I forgot was even there; a treasure map to the spot I forget even existed, a spot I dug so deep, I didn’t think could be reached

Like how you make me nervous ; because if I admit it to myself it becomes real. And if it becomes real, then I have a chance of losing it and what if I can’t find my compass?

Like how I am a passenger on this ride and I find myself buckled in tight

Like how you hit me like a tsunami ; suddenly and all at once, bombarded and overwhelmed, ferociously caught in the motion…..gasping for air…. yet once I was swept under…….all was calm

Like how I find myself drowning; I keep falling deeper, and deeper, I’m fighting back the erge to resist, I stop…..body motionless, unwanting to come up for air

We Are Powerful !

Why is it that our self worth is determined by our size ? Why do we feel the need to judge ourselves and point out every individual flaw we may or may not have? Why can’t we see ourselves for the amazing beautiful human beings that we are. I have felt this way for a long time, and recently I havent been feeling self conscious, Ive been going out and not caring what others are thinking of me, and if they are judging me or not. And its at this point in my life I can smile, I can appreciate that I only get one body, and that this body is always going to be plus size, and thats ok. I can still be beautiful and be big, I can hold my head up high and not have to worry about feeling like I need to high every aspect of my being. 

For anyone that tried to hide away or are constantly thinking theyre not good enough, you need to stop! You need to allow yourself to be happy, you need to allow yourself freedom, otherwise you will be trapped forever, and thats a worrying and sad thought, and I know no one wants to feel that way. Any haters are only hating as they cant believe someone of our size can be confident and love ourselves, only because they dont love themselves, and seeing us do it intimidates them. We are so powerful, we are strong and we need to wake up and see this !  We have the power to intimidate people through our self love and confidence, we have the power to make me notice is, we have the power to be whoever we want to be ! Our size has nothing to do with it, its our confidence, its our self love, our respect for people and our ability to see others for more then their appearence. And is that isnt truely magnificent , I dont know what it. 

Now ladies and gentlemen, next time you want to put a part of your body now, “oh my thighs are so fat”, instead of thinking like that, think about what they do for you,or what they allow you to be able to do. Such as ” my legs allow me to dance, which makes me feel great, or my legs allow me to run and play with my children”, making these positive changes about the way  you see your body, will start to have an impact on how you view yourself. Now this may sound crazy, but I need you to start talking to yourself ! I need you to start telling yourself what you love about yourself, yes it may feel awkward for the first few times, but by saying it out loud, your hearing it and understand it, and it can have great benifits! Treat yourself as though you would your mother or you sister or friends. And what I mean by that is why not be as nice to yourself as you are to the people you love? “Think to yourself, ‘would I say this to my best friend, or my sister, or my mother?'” Silverman says. “If you cannot imagine another human being who you love saying this to themselves or someone else talking to them that way, then how are you talking to yourself in that manner?”

I hope this has reached out to somebody, thats all I ever hope ! 

Until next time my beautiful plus size people! 

New Me !!

Wow can’t remember the last time I was on here!  That makes me feel awful,  because I love blogging and posting photos etc.  I will make a promise at least once a week if not more I will blog!

So what’s new I hear you ask?

Well I’m engaged!!  🙂 after 4 years with my man he proposed and on our anniversary,  some may say cheesy I agree hehe but who cares I’m marrying the Love of my life 🙂 ill insert a pic if you wanna see the ring!

image

What else is new… I’m moving!  This past year I’ve been living in London,  and it’s had its ups and downs. But I miss the country and fresh air to go with it,  so Canterbury I’m back 🙂 the New place is gorgeous,  3 bed bungalow with a lovely rose garden and seating area,  a huge living room /diner and massive bath tub.  Every girls dream!  Moving to a new house also means a trip to Ikea!  I love Ikea, buying all the decorative pieces and come on Ikea plants is a must have!  So in November I will be doing a huge haul and will post what ive picked up on here!  If your like me,  I love seeing other people’s hauls it gives me alot of ideas and inspiration 🙂

Next on the list is,  I’m starting my own Cupcake business 🙂 living in a small London flat for a year ive felt so enclosed and unhappy.  And recently I’ve just been in a rut. So I’ve been thinking and thinking about how to cheer myself up,  and so I bake. Baking is a huge love in my life and it makes me feel good. So I’m starting my cupcake company on August,  called Cupcake Kingdom. I will link the website in this post so you can check it out.

Also I’m debating whether to start a YouTube channel. I always love watching plussize fashion or makeup videos and it’s a huge inspiration to see them and how much body confidence they have. I want to be able to inspire people and make them feel good about themselves. So that’s on the back burner.

What else is there to say…..

I’m glad I’m back and will be posting regularly and getting back into the swing of things!  Watch this space.

Stay fierce

http://cupcakequeen06.wix.com/cupcakekingdom

Top 3 Contour Pallets

I love beauty and everything about it ! So today I decided to do my top 3 contour pallets .

1)Kat Von D Shade and Light contour pallet

I am a huge Sephora fan. We don’t have one here in the UK as far as im aware, so online shopping it is ! They have such beautiful products and I recently stumble across this one recently and had to have it. I’m a big fan of Kat Von D cosmetics and this is just another top notch beauty item from the collection ! It is a powder contour pallet, there are three highlight shades and three darker contour shades. It also includes a step-by step tutorial featuring three easy, artistic ways to define your cheekbones, slim your face, and shape your nose, which is also really helpful if your just starting out or are just a beginner at it and need a little helping hand ! I found that it blended really well and the colour variation is wonderful, as I have darker skin, so I need a dark contour shade and this suits my needs perfectly ! It gives an effortlessly flawless yet natural look, and the colours are build-able, if you’re going for a dramatic evening look. The pigments are sheer making blending them into the skin easy.
I recommend!

2)Anastasia Beverly Hills Contour Kit

I have also recently purchased the Anastasia Beverly Hills Contour kit in shade Medium to Tan. I think its wonderful how they offer different tones kits , giving a lovely variety of you of fair skin or tanned skin. It contains 6 beautiful shades , Peaches & Cream, Macchiato, Nutmeg, Havana, Espresso, 3 for highlighting and 3 for contouring. all in a powder form. What I find really interesting is that 6 different shades are removable and refillable, the set contains all the color needed to start expertly emphasizing eyes, cheekbones, nose, and jawline.  Yet again another wonderful kit that blends extremely well and gives the face a glowing warm finish. Being a darker skinned woman I find that the highlight could have been more pigmented as I find you have to apply a fair amount to get any pay off. Apart from that I wouldn’t fault it.

3)CALIFORNIA BRONZE™ Multi Effect

Last but certainly not least we have the bareMinerals California Bronze Multi Effect Bronzing trip pallet. When I first got this in the post I loved it instantly, the packaging is so cute ! Since I have tanned skin I decided to swatch them to see how they would look with my darker skin tone, and they looked really good ! In this trio there are two beautiful contouring shades and one pretty highlighter. The highlighter is such a pretty shade it goes with absolutely anything and it has a golden finish to it, and it suits my skin tone wonderfully. These three shades are so flattering and can be worn day or night, if your going for a soft natural glowing look , or a nice evening look then it will work for both. They can also be combined for multidimensional warmth. The three shades it includes are READY Bronzer in The Ocean View (sheer matte bronze), The High Dive (rich golden bronze) -Luminizer in The Shining Moment (golden champagne).

!Don’t forget to follow me on Social Media !

Origins Original Skin™ Renewal Serum with Willowherb

Ive recently found this amazing skin serum, Origins Original Skin™ Renewal Serum with Willowherb and love it !A renewal serum designed to restore the glow of younger skin. Its perfect if your skin needs a pick me up. I apply it daily, in the morning and evening, before I apply my moisturizer ( you need to use moisturizer with it). I have found that my skin has evened out, and is super soft! Since I began using it a few weeks ago, I have not had any major breakouts and my skin seems to be very balanced – which is what I was hoping for. It also works really well as a face primer!

Feb Favourites

So this month we have our first Monthly Favorites Blog post !

1) TRESemmé Perfectly (un)done Wave Creation Sea Foam

                                                              I am obsessed with this ! I use it every single time I wash my hair, and the reason I am obsessed with this product is because it gives you wave and texture in your hair, but its not sticky or thick. It cuts down my styling time like crazy, I usually just let my hair air dry and I love how it looks, I can then come in with a curling wand and touch things up, it makes my hair styling life so much easier its unreal! On the tin it says for soft, defined waves, and its exactly what you get, your hair wont feel hard, or crunchy or sticky, your hair is still soft and its my new favorite hair product ! 10/10

2)Milani Brow Tint pen Natural taupe

This is one that I use daily, if I don’t want to sit and fuss with a pencil or a gel. I just sketch it on my brows and fill in the blanks and it looks incredibly natural. Its for more of a daytime look rather than evening, and it completely blends with your natural colour and gives it an effortless look. Ive been using it a while now, and I couldn’t praise it any higher !

3)BOBBI BROWN Foundation Stick, Warm Honey 5.5

Love love love this product. Its slightly dewy,so if you have dry skin then this would suit you more. The coverage is amazing, it has more of a medium to full coverage, but you can also build on top of it,so I can use it in areas such as under my eyes to conceal it more, or if I want to conceal blemishes or other areas. I use a buffing brush by Real Techniques to give it an airbrushed finish.

4)Gucci Guilty for Women

I got this amazing fragrance for Christmas, but I’ve only just got around to wearing it, and it is amazing!It has a warm yet striking oriental floral with hedonism at its heart, it consists of :

Top note: Mandarin, Pink pepper

Middle note: Lilac, geranium, peach

Base: Patchouli, amber

I personally find it to have an elegant fragrance, and its extremely feminine and you can wear it day or night. It is at the higher end of the price bracket , but its worth the money. You don’t need to use a lot of the product, therefore it lasts for ages !

5) The Walking Dead

Now I know this isnt a beauty or fashion product, but I just get enough of this show ! I always heard about this show but wasn’t sure if it was my thing, so early last year I decided to try it, not knowing that this would soon consume my life ! I mean I binge watched this like crazy, im a sucker for zombie films or shows anyway, and if that wasn’t enough the captivating story draws you in and I couldn’t not, not mention Mr NORMAN REEDUS !! Mr Darrell Dixon, damn , the rugged bad boy, with a troubled past, a soft center , but a hard exterior I just want to crack ! But now we’re on season 5 wow, I have waited a long time for this. For me its started of pretty slow, not going anywhere etc, but now they’re in Alexandria, and I do not trust any one living there, there is something fishy going on, and my man Darrell knows it !

Would love to know if you’ve tried these products and what you thought !

Please feel free to comment 🙂

Top 3 Sex Positions for the larger lady

I read the other day that the heaviest woman in the world lost around seven stone as she has marathon sex sessions with her husband, as a plus size woman some positions can be a bit trickier or they’re just plain boring ! So here is a list of 5 top sex positions for us curvy chicks to thrill us and our partners in bed, whilst getting a good workout!

Doggy Style

This is such a great position if your worried about your partner seeing your figure as he gets a nice rear end view ! The name is a bit insulting but it does the trick, kneel on all fours while he comes in from behind. Now there are two different things you can do with this, you can either lean forwards and lower your chest, as if you were stretching out like a cat would; or you could bring your body up towards him so he can grab every inch of your curvacious body ! This is a great position for us ladies and for him too, he gets to feel in control and gets to grab hold of our sexy bodies, and we get to feel empowered as well, and also this makes us feel less body conscious.

Missionary

For me being a plus size prince I always feel most comfortable when my partner and I are in missionary, and I know a lot of people think missionary is boring, but it doesn’t have to be. With your man being on top you can create electric eye contact and intensify the experience, and even spice it up by using your hands. Most men love it when us ladies play with yourself whilst hes on top, because it shows how in touch with our bodies we are and how comfortable we are with them. Now that’s missionary to the max. Try using a pillow or two under your butt to change how your bodies interact. This will give an average size man more access and perhaps give you a little more thrusting power as well. He’s more likely to have clitoral contact and hit your g-spot this way !

Side Wind

Now girls lay back and relax with this one, because its time for our men to do the complicated work. Just lie on your side, raise one leg to the ceiling and keep the other on the bed. Now let your man straddle your bottom thigh and have him hug your raised leg, and now rest your calf on his shoulder.Once he enters you, have him wind and whirl his hips as he thrusts for maximum pleasure. This position guarantees complete satisfaction to both of you. This is a great position for us ladies and our men as its really close and he get to touch every part of our body.

Now girls I know that being plus size the first thing we think about when it comes to sex is we need to switch the light off ! Am I right, or am I right? Because I used to be exactly the same. This changed when I started listening to my man, he tells me every day how beautiful I am, and Ive always told him oh stop being silly, or just brush it off, because I didn’t believe him. However the moment I started listening to him and embracing it , it changed our whole sex life, because I am now confident and don’t mind showing off in front of him, it blew his mind ! He is so happy that I’m starting to believe im beautiful, its done wonders for both of us, because when I used to put myself down in front of him, it brought him down because he saw something I didn’t. And to be honest ladies our men wouldn’t be with us unless they thought we were beautiful, because attraction has alot to do with a relationship especially on the first date etc. So believe him when he calls your beautiful or sexy, because you know what he means every word of it!