My Chapter

Your hands felt like sandpaper against my skin,

A painful reminder that they don’t belong there.

I felt my body shudder as you ran your hand up my thigh,

My own body repelling your touch.

Your eyes met mine,

All I can see is the thirst of wanting more,

I could feel my own body become a corset .

The way my body tensed up, and how it took the breath from my lungs,

I trusted you.

The one who promised to not to break me,

Is the reason why I need super glue.

But we were in a relationship right ?

It’s my duty, or if I loved you I would,

But my vagina is not your walk in closet.

You wanted a place to store your disconcerted thoughts,

And I was the closest thing to hand.

But no should still mean no.

Your words dug a shallow grave in my chest,

Eroded by lies and promises broken.

My mind works anticlockwise ,

It likes to reminisce on the what could have beens.

The tears you once made me shed,

Now being wiped away by another, however ,

You’ve made me a human blockade,

I feel myself pushing away anyone that dares to get close to me.

I’m a shell of the woman I was,

My exterior says otherwise,

But Everyone has a chapter they don’t read out loud.

New year , new me…..

Yes the title is a little cliche, and yes I am fully aware that I say this every single year; and do I keep up with all my resolutions? Hell no. I am human, I eat too much junk sometimes, I can be lazy in both exercise and not getting things done, and sometimes i’m just not motivated enough. I make the wrong choices, I listen to my head far too often, and I don’t do enough for myself.

I am also fully aware that your probably reading this and thinking “that is me in a nutshell”! We need to start giving ourselves credit for what we have achieved last year, and move one. Setting resolutions just doesn’t work ! We never stick to them ; or we stick to them for a month or two and then throw in the towel because its too hard, your unmotivated, or you simply dont have time. I mean last year I achieved a few of my goals, I passed my driving test and got myself a car, I changed job roles and now i’m a Teaching assistant in a reception class. My fiance and I moved out of my parents and he was promoted to assistant manager of his store. No I didn’t smash all of my goals, but I achieved some on them, and that is an achievement all on its own.

Towards the end of the year I really got to thinking about what I want from my life, and how to achieve them goals. This year there are a few things that I would like to achieve or do etc.

  • Travel more – I want nothing more then to travel the world, amerce myself in different cultures, see the sites and gain new experiences.
  • Get out of debt
  • Lose some weight, and control my diabetes better.
  • Have a job which pays a little more, and that I can be happy in.
  • Decorate my house
  • Have more fun and some me time.

To me looking at this list it really doesn’t seem that unreachable, and I’ve already started work on this list. Last night my fiance and I booked up to go to Germany for a few days next month. It felt amazing, I was doing something spontaneous, I was doing something for me, I was living for the first time in a while.

Now I have got lots of posts coming up, everything from my travel blogs, to my house renovation, fashion tips and tricks, weight loss updates, my beauty favorites and so much more !!

I hope you stay tuned for this amazingly bumpy ride !

My weightloss journey


So on January 29th I started my weightloss journey and I’m now 5-6 weeks in. I have lost 16lbs overall , 4inches off of my waist , 3 of hips and 2 off of chest. And I couldn’t be happier!

So what started this whole thing was my happiness, How can I be happy when I’m not taking my health seriously ? I am a type 2 diabetic and that’s down to my weight and eating habits, and I know that if I lose the weight then I could reserve the diabetes and no longer have it! What more of an insentive do I need ? And if my clothes fit a bit better and my skin is a healither then I’m all for it !

I have been on so many ‘healthy eating diets ‘ and working out but it never worked for me in the past until now. I have downloaded the app My Fitness Pal and it is amazing ! I am able to track my Calories, and my macros and also track how much exercise I’m getting in and also my water intake. It has been a massive help for me as it gives me my daily calorie allowance, and I input what food I’m eating and it works everything out for me !

Exercise wise I have gone ant got myself a personal trainer ! I work with her once a week and she works be to the bone ! I am nearly passing out as I leave the studio , and I’m in pain for days afterwards ha! But the pain is good and all worth it in the long run. I also try to go to the gym 2-3 times a week and if I can’t make the gym I workout at home, or I go for a walk/jog down the beach, I’m always trying to do something.

I have such a long way to go, but it’s going to take time and I’m in it for the long haul ! This is just the beginning, I will be posting weekly updates , workout routines , what I eat in a week and any tips and tricks I find useful myself ! Stay tuned!

10 things I’d tell me younger self!


I know I can’t be the only one that often thinks about what they would do differently if they could go back to when they were younger. All the things you would have done differently, and it eats are you sometimes,because who knows where you be now, if only you’d changed thungs, or could tell yourself something that you know now.
1) Keep dancing ! When I was younger I loved to dance and know I needed to take more classes and get fit, but I told myself I wasn’t  good enough, so I stopped. I’ve regretted it ever since.

2) Get fit and healthy while your still young! I am only 22, but I’m 250lbs, type 2 diabetic and unfit. And if only I had started taking my health seriously when I was 16-17, I wouldn’t be on my weight loss journey now, I wouldn’t have gotten type 2 diabetes and I would weigh a healthy amount. My weight has always been an issue, and I have never taken it seriously until this year , and I’ve lost over a stone so in 5 weeks which for me is great!

3) Be confident! Don’t let your size hold you back!

4) Dont out your life on hold for a man. Since I was 16 I’ve been with my partner, and at times I have done/ not done things for him and because of him. I need independence.

5) Be kind to your friends, you never know what you’ve got till it’s gone….

6) Go traveling asap!! Don’t start your adult life straight away, take time out for you.

7) Think things trough, some things need more time to think about, don’t rush in.

8) Try new things, don’t be afraid to experiment, if you want to do something just do it.

9) Don’t do things that are easy, the things that push you and that are hard are usually worth more.

10) Love yourself, I am begging you, this is what your life has been missing, do this and I promise you will for happiness.

We Are Powerful !

Why is it that our self worth is determined by our size ? Why do we feel the need to judge ourselves and point out every individual flaw we may or may not have? Why can’t we see ourselves for the amazing beautiful human beings that we are. I have felt this way for a long time, and recently I havent been feeling self conscious, Ive been going out and not caring what others are thinking of me, and if they are judging me or not. And its at this point in my life I can smile, I can appreciate that I only get one body, and that this body is always going to be plus size, and thats ok. I can still be beautiful and be big, I can hold my head up high and not have to worry about feeling like I need to high every aspect of my being. 

For anyone that tried to hide away or are constantly thinking theyre not good enough, you need to stop! You need to allow yourself to be happy, you need to allow yourself freedom, otherwise you will be trapped forever, and thats a worrying and sad thought, and I know no one wants to feel that way. Any haters are only hating as they cant believe someone of our size can be confident and love ourselves, only because they dont love themselves, and seeing us do it intimidates them. We are so powerful, we are strong and we need to wake up and see this !  We have the power to intimidate people through our self love and confidence, we have the power to make me notice is, we have the power to be whoever we want to be ! Our size has nothing to do with it, its our confidence, its our self love, our respect for people and our ability to see others for more then their appearence. And is that isnt truely magnificent , I dont know what it. 

Now ladies and gentlemen, next time you want to put a part of your body now, “oh my thighs are so fat”, instead of thinking like that, think about what they do for you,or what they allow you to be able to do. Such as ” my legs allow me to dance, which makes me feel great, or my legs allow me to run and play with my children”, making these positive changes about the way  you see your body, will start to have an impact on how you view yourself. Now this may sound crazy, but I need you to start talking to yourself ! I need you to start telling yourself what you love about yourself, yes it may feel awkward for the first few times, but by saying it out loud, your hearing it and understand it, and it can have great benifits! Treat yourself as though you would your mother or you sister or friends. And what I mean by that is why not be as nice to yourself as you are to the people you love? “Think to yourself, ‘would I say this to my best friend, or my sister, or my mother?'” Silverman says. “If you cannot imagine another human being who you love saying this to themselves or someone else talking to them that way, then how are you talking to yourself in that manner?”

I hope this has reached out to somebody, thats all I ever hope ! 

Until next time my beautiful plus size people! 

New Me !!

Wow can’t remember the last time I was on here!  That makes me feel awful,  because I love blogging and posting photos etc.  I will make a promise at least once a week if not more I will blog!

So what’s new I hear you ask?

Well I’m engaged!!  🙂 after 4 years with my man he proposed and on our anniversary,  some may say cheesy I agree hehe but who cares I’m marrying the Love of my life 🙂 ill insert a pic if you wanna see the ring!


What else is new… I’m moving!  This past year I’ve been living in London,  and it’s had its ups and downs. But I miss the country and fresh air to go with it,  so Canterbury I’m back 🙂 the New place is gorgeous,  3 bed bungalow with a lovely rose garden and seating area,  a huge living room /diner and massive bath tub.  Every girls dream!  Moving to a new house also means a trip to Ikea!  I love Ikea, buying all the decorative pieces and come on Ikea plants is a must have!  So in November I will be doing a huge haul and will post what ive picked up on here!  If your like me,  I love seeing other people’s hauls it gives me alot of ideas and inspiration 🙂

Next on the list is,  I’m starting my own Cupcake business 🙂 living in a small London flat for a year ive felt so enclosed and unhappy.  And recently I’ve just been in a rut. So I’ve been thinking and thinking about how to cheer myself up,  and so I bake. Baking is a huge love in my life and it makes me feel good. So I’m starting my cupcake company on August,  called Cupcake Kingdom. I will link the website in this post so you can check it out.

Also I’m debating whether to start a YouTube channel. I always love watching plussize fashion or makeup videos and it’s a huge inspiration to see them and how much body confidence they have. I want to be able to inspire people and make them feel good about themselves. So that’s on the back burner.

What else is there to say…..

I’m glad I’m back and will be posting regularly and getting back into the swing of things!  Watch this space.

Stay fierce

Down in the Dump Days

I know im not the only one to have them days where all you want to do it either lay in bed with Netflix on the laptop not doing anything and eating junk food. Or sitting in front of the TV wrapped up in a blanket watching chick flicks and eating yet again junk food. And it could be for a number of reasons…. 1, your having a bad day, 2, trouble in paradise or 3 your having a ‘fat’ day. For me its all of the above. Recently I have been feeling really down about myself and my appearance, I think I look fat in everything, and my hair is a mess, I cant seem to hide the fact I have a double chin and the list goes on and on…. is feeling good about yourself too much to ask for ? I can be the type of person that thinks that whenever I go out people are judging me , and then I see some beautiful woman all dressed up , every hair in place, make up perfectly in place and an outfit to match, and then I look at myself and then I hit a new low.  I am a big girl and I always have been and that’s not going to change, but its hard to be accepting of yourself when the world isn’t accepting of you. Why does society deem us bigger people as the ‘outcasts’ when over 64% of people in the UK are overweight and or obese. Why should a number control our lives, because it does, if you’re not under a size 12 then your classed as FAT. But being fat doesn’t mean you’re an embarrassment, a failure or a disaster. It doesn’t mean your dirty or lazy or you binge eat all day everyday! But being fat somehow makes us a target and it shouldn’t, it shouldn’t mean that we have to take abuse when we are walking down the street, why should people feel the need to degrade a human being , making their worth less than your own. We big people can be sexy as hell!

My problem areas start with my stomach , the moves to my thighs and back. I sometimes wonder what my boyfriend sees in me, I could stand in front of a mirror and cry sometimes, and I know we all get like this, and its horrible.  I feel like why would a man want to touch my wobbly belly, or my thick thighs, and I don’t have the small slender back like a lot of women. I have stretch marks that cover my stomach and my Afro curly hair is a nightmare to manage. However I also know that some of it is my fault, I haven’t prevented getting to the size I am, and I take responsibility for that, but even thought I am a big lady I need to start loving myself, otherwise im never going to get anywhere in life. I know I talk about this often, but it’s because it’s so close to my heart, because I know what its like to struggle with weight issues, to have people ignore me or look down their noses at me, and to have been bullied throughout my life.

I will love myself

Stunning eyes and Fabulous thighs

Growing up being the ‘Big Girl’ isnt easy. Growing up in school it was hard, I was picked on …. a lot for having a little extra junk in the trunk, and many a night I spent crying myself to sleep. All my friends were tiny and pretty , you know the type 5ft 2 , long smooth hair, flawless skin, a size 4-6. Then there was me towering at 5ft 9, Afro curly hair that couldn’t be tamed, spots here and there and a size 16-18 from year 10 onwards. I couldn’t win ! I was compared on a daily basis to my friends , and going clothes shopping was a nightmare, they would all be going to the small petite section and then me, I would just follow along as their clothes shops don’t cater to me size. Then they would have long straight smooth hair, and my hair was a nightmare. I’m mixed race (British and Jamaican), since I was born up to the age of 4 I had poker straight hair, then from 4 it went Afro and living back in Canterbury, Kent there was not a single Afro Caribbean hairdresser around. My mother is White British she lives with my step dad also White British so they didn’t know what to do with my hair. So it was ponytails for me through most of my school like, until i was about 16, when I straightened it for the first time. So yet another thing to be compared for.  During my school days I tried dieting a few times, and yes I lost a little weight, and at the time I thought this would solve all my problems. But eating tiny portions and eating nothing I enjoyed made me miserable. I missed my chocolate, and my bacon sandwiches, and I know I cant complain that im plus sized if I eat the wrong things, but why should I live an unhappy life doing things that make me miserable ? Over the years I’ve been working on loving me , I know im never going to be a size 10 , Ive come to terms with that , but I can be the most fabulous me there is and if that’s a size 20 or 22 then so be it !

Size 10 = Beautiful

Size 16 = Beautiful

Size 28 = Beautiful

You must understand that of course I get self-conscious at times, but what person doesn’t, growing up in today’s society we have been taught that being bigger isn’t what society wants. We all must fit into a stereotypical idea of what beauty is, and being plus size you don’t fit the mold, and people judge you for it. Women are so worried about what the world is going to say about their figures , about their double chins and thick thighs, they resort to hiding their bodies so people can see them. It breaks my heart, every woman is beautiful no matter what size or shape you are, but people don’t see it as they are so afraid of people judging them , that they’ve started judging themselves. No I don’t have a thin smooth silhouette, yes I have love handles, and some rolls, but If they are styled right than no one can fault you. When your plus sized people think you’re a slob who just sits around and eats all day, they don’t understand that you can be plus sized and even healthier then a woman who is a size 6. We plus sized women need to start loving ourselves more , each and everyday, because if we believe were beautiful then other people opinions are invalided and unnecessary. If we know we’re beautiful then we can walk down them streets like they’re runways , with confidence and watch everyone’s eyes follow us, and show the world then big is back ! “When you’re a plus size woman, people say ‘ yeah, she has a cute face’, as if being plus sized is a disgrace. Honey, im cute in the face and thicker in the waist. I look goof whether im in cotton , leather or lace. I’m beautiful, vibrant and above all, smart! there’s more to me then my weight, i also have a heart. Yes my clothes are a bigger size, that just means you can access a bigger prize. We all are not self conscious about our weight, and we never have a problem with getting a date. So don’t think that your small frame gives you more pull, im a hot, sexy curvy women with a figure that’s full.”