No take backs

No take backs

I drew the trigger of my tongue , not imagining how the bullet would penetrate your skin.

How it would cling to every piece of your being, leaving no sign of an exit wound.

Peripherally I see the pain oozing from your chest, I succumb.

If I dare look, it makes it all real.

I turn this now empty carcass of the person I was,to face you.

Chest tightens, breathing laborious , drowning in a pool of my own guilt,

I see your eyes lose the stars that once sparkled within them.

This silence is deafening, though I can hear my heart beat play prestissimo.

I try and reach for the bullet, I stretch out my hand

To see that my hands are dripping in the hurt and pain left by words spoken .

The bullet must have fragmented into shrapnel, dispersing into multiple avenues

I freeze, my body turns to stone.

My body weighed down by the burden of shooting you.

I try to apply as much pressure as I can , stop the hurt from expanding,

Yet I find my efforts redundant, your silence pushes me back to reality.

I find my words stumbling , tripping over themselves, unable to walk in a straight line,

They’re unable to say the alphabet backwards, failing the breathalyser.

Sometimes my words don’t understand the hurt they can cause,

They’re reckless, leaping off of cliffs before thinking about what happens when they hit the ground.

This time their recklessness got them into trouble , this time there were no take backs.

My Chapter

Your hands felt like sandpaper against my skin,

A painful reminder that they don’t belong there.

I felt my body shudder as you ran your hand up my thigh,

My own body repelling your touch.

Your eyes met mine,

All I can see is the thirst of wanting more,

I could feel my own body become a corset .

The way my body tensed up, and how it took the breath from my lungs,

I trusted you.

The one who promised to not to break me,

Is the reason why I need super glue.

But we were in a relationship right ?

It’s my duty, or if I loved you I would,

But my vagina is not your walk in closet.

You wanted a place to store your disconcerted thoughts,

And I was the closest thing to hand.

But no should still mean no.

Your words dug a shallow grave in my chest,

Eroded by lies and promises broken.

My mind works anticlockwise ,

It likes to reminisce on the what could have beens.

The tears you once made me shed,

Now being wiped away by another, however ,

You’ve made me a human blockade,

I feel myself pushing away anyone that dares to get close to me.

I’m a shell of the woman I was,

My exterior says otherwise,

But Everyone has a chapter they don’t read out loud.

I will

I will

Place your burdens on my shoulders,

I will help you carry the load.

When it feels like the clocks have arthritis,

I will help you fill the time.

When thoughts are hard to articulate,

I will speak for the both of us.

When your bed holds you captive,

I will be it’s hostage too.

When you’re drained of power, running at 10%,

I will be the 90% you need to boost you back up.

When your legs refuse to move,

I will be your crutch, lean on me.

When everything becomes to much,

I will be you’re resting place.

When the noise becomes to deafening,

Look for me ; I will lead you to your safe haven.

Undress your worries,

I will wear them as my own.

Take off the mask you always wear,

For I see beneath the facade.

When it has hold of your throat leaving you breathless,

I will breathe new life into your lungs.

When you feel alone in a world full of people,

Look to your left for I have never left you.

I may not be able to take it away,

But I won’t let it consume you either.

Alone you suffer,

Together we manage.

By Paige Browning

Drowning

Drowning

So you wanna know how I feel about you…..

You want to know how when I see you smile I go blind……and then suddenly all is clear

Like how your touch ripples through my skin like the sea at dawn. Without concern and naturally

Like how our hearts are jigsaw pieces ; perfectly intertwined and once connected they became one

Like how you turned my body into a zoo. I roar with laughter, my stomach has become home to a garden full of butterflies, youve given me wings by constantly lifting me into a cloud of euphoria ; a 24 hour zoo ; I find myself never wanting to leave

Like how you make my cardiac muscle pumps blood through my vascular system really quickly

Like how your words have become my own personal muse

Like how your name remains on my tongue like a hamster wheel ; I’m constantly searching for another reason to say your name

Like how if you asked me if I’d thought about you this morning ; id say no, if you asked me if I thought about you tonight, I’d say no. Because you never leave my mind

Like how when i look into your eyes they somehow grab ahold of my throat ; I am rendered speechless

Like how I find myself unstable, I’m constantly tripping over my words, fumbling over my feelings ; falling head first into this

Like how you found a piece of me I forgot was even there; a treasure map to the spot I forget even existed, a spot I dug so deep, I didn’t think could be reached

Like how you make me nervous ; because if I admit it to myself it becomes real. And if it becomes real, then I have a chance of losing it and what if I can’t find my compass?

Like how I am a passenger on this ride and I find myself buckled in tight

Like how you hit me like a tsunami ; suddenly and all at once, bombarded and overwhelmed, ferociously caught in the motion…..gasping for air…. yet once I was swept under…….all was calm

Like how I find myself drowning; I keep falling deeper, and deeper, I’m fighting back the erge to resist, I stop…..body motionless, unwanting to come up for air